One of the core parts of trying to find your own path and living more deliberately is having a willingness to self-reflect and, when appropriate, to change. And, change can be hard.
Personally, I love change. So much. I am a person who loves to rearrange furniture, to try a new recipe, to move (much to my husband’s dismay). I love the acts of purging and the feeling of new that comes with it. The refreshing feeling of a new layout, or a clean and reorganized closet, or the change of seasons is hard to beat.
If you go online, you will find thousands of unbelievable change methods. And I mean truly unbelievable. Lose 50 pounds in ten minutes with this fabulous diet, or create a whole new wardrobe in five minutes from your husband’s crappy t-shirts, or get in the best shape of your life while lying on the couch.
If those websites are to be believed, change is easy and takes no effort. I call bullshit.
While I’m not saying that those things won’t work for you, I’ll be honest and tell you that they just don’t work for me. Change, no matter how desired, is hard.
So you might be thinking just how does the self-proclaimed queen of change do it, then? The easiest way I can explain it is this: slowly and deliberately. Below are five things you can do to help yourself change. Maybe you just need to use one tip, maybe all five. I would suggest that you just start small and apply the suggestions that feel right for you. Take it one step at a time.
Whisper it into being. This may be the most important tip. If you have a goal, write it down or say it out loud–but just not to anyone else. You don’t need the pressure of having someone ask you about your progress all the time. If it doesn’t work out, you will feel like you’ve let them down, or you will feel like a disappointment. Neither are true. However, writing it down or saying it out loud does make it real. And, it forces you to articulate and clarify what it is you actually want to accomplish. By doing it this way, you are accountable only to yourself, so do what works for you.
Don’t try to boil the ocean. Be realistic and practical. You want to get in better shape. Understand that you won’t suddenly start running a marathon off the couch. Start with walking the dog. Even if it is just around the dining room table. And maybe just twice a week. And perhaps for just five minutes a day. That’s all o.k. Start small. If you find that you enjoy it, then head outside a few times a week, and maybe go up to 10 minutes each time. You have to make the goals realistic or they won’t work. Instead of taking a huge leap, just stairstep your way to success.
Dip your toe. Not a big fan of change? That’s the biggest hurdle to jump, so start by making a few small changes that are really no big deal. Change your route to work. Rearrange the furniture in your bedroom. Try an exotic fruit from the grocery store. Add a new decoration focal point like I did in my bedroom. Then, if the change makes you happy, awesome. Hate it? No problem. You just remove it. No harm, no foul.
Commit to giving it a real try. Saying it is one thing, but being able to do it on the days you don’t want to can be a roadblock if you are not committed. That’s why you want to remember tip #2. You probably don’t want to commit to hiking the 2,000+ miles of the Appalachian Trail because it isn’t realistic (at least not right away), but you might commit to walking your local greenway a couple of nights a week. When it is cold or you’re tired, you might be able to get the energy to head over there for 30 minutes. The more often you do it, the quicker you will be to having your own bona fide AT trail name.
Watch Lord of the Rings for inspiration. Seriously. Talk about change and commitment. The little hobbits have their entire lives turned upside down, and, in spite of the real dangers and fear, they are determined to complete their task or die trying. It is inspirational and encouraging. Starting an exercise routine will seem like a piece of cake compared to having to walk across Mordor to save the world. If you can’t commit to the 11 hours of viewing (extended version), feel free to look elsewhere for inspiration. Books, movies, songs, grandparent, best friend, whatever. There is a lot to say for having someone or something that inspires and motivates you.
Seem doable yet? Just know that these have worked for me, at least. The goals journal that I reference above? That was a big change for me. I am not good at keeping up with crap like that. But, I decided that I needed to give myself reachable targets and to take it slow. If I write in it once a month, that’s o.k. I mean, sheesh! If Frodo can get that ring to the volcano, surely I can manage to doodle in a notebook from time to time, right? The result is that I’ve been able to see not only progress on keeping the journal but also on the goals I am setting.
One last thing before you leave, I want to be completely honest with you: I fail at change a lot! Since I really do crave it, I probably lean in to it a little too easily, and the reality is that it sometimes just doesn’t work. I get distracted, or unmotivated or, and this is the biggest reason, I get too busy (or I perceive that I am too busy). All of us who try and fail have to remember that this journey is a marathon, not a sprint.
Change can happen if you just give it time.